Recovering From a Narcissist?
Coming to terms with a narcissistic relationship? Struggling to heal from a narcissist? Help and support is available. Now more than ever people need to know that others are around to support them, albeit in some cases more virtually-help is out there.
Narcissists do not just have to be a romantic relation, they can be a family member, a friend or colleague.
Narcissists will only ever play the victim or hero, but never the villain. They will never take responsibility for their actions or apologise. They do not see themselves as having issues, problems or being responsible for an incident, or being “the” problem. They will blame everyone else for their circumstances and paint the “real victim” as being the perpetrator! Therefore, narcissists very rarely attend therapy, but their victims will often be the ones that find themselves in a therapist's chair.
If you are holding out for an apology you are very unlikely to get one, as a narcissist cannot allow their pride to be dented or their ego to be bruised. They genuinely will not see themselves as being at fault! If you are struggling to recover from a narcissist, allow yourself time to heal and know that help is available.
7 tips to help with your recovery
1. Follow your instinct. Do not allow the narcissist to make you feel it is your fault! You know the type of person you are, you know your actions and you know the truth. Allowing them to convince you that you are in the wrong is part of their manipulation!
2. Let go! Cut all ties with a narcissist if this is possible and is needed for your own mental health and well-being. Avoid feeling guilty about cutting people out of your life. It is okay to let go of someone that has brought you so much hurt and pain.
3. Allow yourself time to grieve. Even though narcissists abuse their victims, people will still feel a sense of loss for that relationship, be it a kinship tie, a romantic relationship or friendship. Allow yourself to acknowledge these feelings and remember grief is cyclical (see previous blog post) and can take long time to come to terms with psychologically.
4. Take your mind in other directions to keep busy and distract yourself. Take up a hobby, exercise, meditate or practise mindfulness. Acknowledge that a narcissist will move on quickly. By keeping yourself busy, you can avoid becoming consumed by this.
5. Write down your reasons for ending the relationship/contact with that person, to remind yourself why it was best to let go. This serves to help if the narcissist tries to manipulate you with their version of events.
6. Learn to love yourself. Allow time daily for self-care. Fall in love with yourself. Know you are worthy, you are enough.
7. Allow time for your wounds to heal and for personal growth. Talk about your feelings, know they are valid and reach out for help and support. Time really can be a great healer!
Recovery takes time and we repeat what we do not repair! Clinical hypnotherapy and psychotherapy may help to heal and manage the trauma of overcoming narcissistic abuse. Reach out to those around you for support.
I continue to offer online clinical hypnotherapy, education, and coaching for individuals during this time, with a waiting list for face-to-face therapy, once this restrictions in relation to Covid19 are lifted, and this form of therapy can resume. All initial telephone consultations are free with no obligation to book for therapy.
Take care and stay safe.
This is written with an intention to support those recovering from a narcissist. I am by no means saying this is what everyone needs to do. I recognise everyone's circumstances, feelings and emotions are different and unique. I continue to offer online clinical hypnotherapy, education, and coaching for individuals during this time, with a waiting list for face-to-face therapy, once this restrictions in relation to Covid19 are lifted, and this form of therapy can resume.